Hanging

Well, my babies have been packed off and hung... and by "my babies" I mean the paintings I have been working on for my exhibition. Gimme a break, I'm not Pol Pot!

As of yesterday, 19 of my paintings are filling the gallery space at the Novotel Shanghai and I can't even begin to tell you what a relief it is to have them out of my hands (and out of our small apartment!).

I'll post images of the selected paintings here tomorrow, and of course photos from the opening cocktail party being held this Saturday.

YAY! I made it through the last six weeks alive!

Wisdom

A colleague at the English Language school I moonlight at gave her 13 year old students a sheet containing prompt words, for example "Happiness is....", "Frustration is..." etc. The best responses came from a student named Caty and I felt compelled to share.

Frustration is... another kind of scenery you have to face on your way to success.

Happiness is... a beautiful bird which always flies away from your hug.

Boredom is... a prison and boredom is an enjoyment.

Satisfaction is... the smile you get from others' eyes.

Fear is... a ghost who eats your courage and spirit.

Surprise is... a baby who brings you a present.

Kindness is...a good remedy for a cold heart.

Relief is... what you want to get from others and what others want to get from you.

Truth is... the sun shiny [sic.] all the time.

Courage is... feeling confident even you will face to die.

Sadness is... the beginning of happiness.

Anger is... a poison which will damage your good mood.

-- Caty, age 13, Shanghai.

more kids, less veg

The Duggar Family have been ridiculed on the internet for some time now, with their attempt to serve the lord by having 16 children (at last count, and Michelle is pregnant again with baby 17).

While I think that turning your uterous into a baby waterslide is nuts, I am not one to knock Jim Bob (yes, Jim Bob) and Michelle Duggar, since my own grandfather was one of 17 children.

I also think that it was rather ingenious of them to name all their kids starting with a 'J'- Joshua, twins Jana and John-David, Jill, Jessa, Jinger, Joseph, Josiah, Joy-Anna, twins Jeremiah and Jedidiah, Jason, James, Justin, Jackson, and Johannah Faith. It means that Michelle can bulk-buy clothing lables for 'J. Duggar' and never have to change the lables as the clothes/books/personal identies are passed down to each new child.

And how clever of them to build a 7000-square-foot house on 20 acres of land completely debt-free. Of course they don't actually mention just how much the donations helped.

But what I really wanted to write about is their diet. I came across their web-site and saw that Michelle has kindly published a recipe section. I thought to myself: "Wow, with 16 kids I bet that woman can make a mountain of food out of nothing", and so decided to check it out.

What I found, aside from a lot of ground chuck and ground turkey, was a grand total of three fresh vegetables in NINE pages of recipes. A few onions, one head of lettuce and one recipe requiring some cucumbers.

Now I know it is hard to get to the greengrocers when you have 16 kids (though they did buy a 24-seat bus), and yes, history shows us that while stock-piling for the second coming fresh vegetables are usually neglected.

But can somebody please tell me just what the hell are they using their 20 acres of land and16 kids worth of free labour for?

Not everything is corrected in spell check

My agents for my exhibition next month designed this invitation to send to all the invitees and potential clients... and then went and sent it to them all without giving it to me to proof:

It all looks very pretty, but unfortunately I do not paint in oils, I use acrylics. So the line "Louise Adele Hubbard Oil Painting Exhibition" aside from being grammatically incorrect, is also false advertising. Oh and it's written twice.

"Darling I love you, but think of the upholstery!"

There are many things you should be worrying about when your wife is giving birth in the front seat of your car on the side of the highway, but I think we can all agree that some concerns should not be voiced:

"The father was ... still in a panic because all this water started coming out, and he was worried about the car and I said: 'No, worry about the kid' and then the head popped out and the father caught the baby."

-Sydney Morning Herald, 18 Jan 2007

Something tells me that father is never going to hear the end of this one...

SOS

Somebody help me!!! I'm drowning in paint, covered from head to toe in the stuff; there isn't a spare inch in our apartment that doesnt have a canvas propped up against it; I've two stubborn paintings to finish in one week; and I just looked at all 19 of the paintings selected for the exhibition and they look childish and over-worked; and I just don't know how I'm going to come out of this with even a shred of my sanity! CRAP!

CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP!

Ok, thanks for that, I feel much better now.

Rude awakenings

Don't you just HATE it when you get up in the middle of the night to pee and the last person to do so has left the toilet seat* up? There is that sickening moment of realisation when you plummet the last inch, free-falling past the point where the toilet seat SHOULD HAVE BEEN, and then cruel cold porceline of the bowl makes contact with your thighs as you struggle to balance, desperate in your half-awake state not to tip backwards into the toilet bowl itself.

Yeah, me too.

*I must mention that this is not a whinge at co-habitation, because as far as I'm concerned it is just as much Phil's right to keep the seat up as it is my right to keep it down. I just hate it when I'm too sleepy to check before sitting.

Gnarls Barkley

I just have to say that I think these lyrics by Gnarls Barkley are some of the best song lyrics ever... and a freaking hot video too! (scroll down for lyrics)

Crazy

I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind,
There was something so pleasant about that place...
Even your emotions had an echo in so much space.

And when you're out there, without care,
Yeah, I was out of touch.
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough:
I just knew too much

Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me crazy?
Possibly

And I hope that you are having the time of your life,
But think twice, that's my only advice.

Come on now who do you, who do you, who do you, who do you Think you are, ha ha ha, bless your soul,
You really think you're in control!

Well,
I think you're crazy...
I think you're crazy...
I think you're crazy...
Just like me.

My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on a limb,
And all I remember is thinkin' I wanna be like them.

Ever since I was little, ever since I was little it looked like fun,
And it's no coincidence I've come,
And I can die when I'm done.

But maybe I'm crazy?
Maybe you're crazy?
Maybe we're crazy?
Probably!

That's all I wanted to say today- just spreading the love, people!

Corn-y Jokes

I'm standing in the kitchen, too exhausted from a really long day to cook, rumaging in the back of the shelves and calling out soup flavours to Phil as I find them.

Me: "Chicken and corn... seafood... crab and corn..."
Phil: "Huh? Rabid Corn? How can you tell if corn is rabid?"
Me: "I guess it foams at the ear!"

Did I mention it's been a REALLY long day?

Paranoia

A Scene from Thailand:

I am stomping aroundour hotel room, muttering under my breath and stuggling to close all the cracks in the curtains, knowing that those cracks don't seem like much at night, but in several hours they will be streaming blinding sunshine into my room when i DO. NOT. WANT. TO. GET. UP.

Phil is sitting in bed, passively watching tv.

Me: "Stop looking at me like that!"
Phil: "What look? I'm not looking at you!"
Me: "You were looking at me ON THE INSIDE!"

Paranoid? Moi?

Highlights of Thailand

We arrived back from a week spent in glorious Krabi, Thailand yesterday morning. Shanghai is currently about 5C, and compared to the balmy sunny days in Thailand, it is my idea of hell on earth. I have a monster-truckload of things to do asap including writing curriculums (curriculae?) for my art classes this semester, writing promotional material for my exhibit, teaching and... oh yeah, painting three more paintings! With no more time to spare, here are the highlights of Thailand:

• Lying by the pool or taking long boats to the chrystal blue beaches surrounding Ao Nang.
• Having a two hour oil massage for $10.
• Laughing at Phil during his massage as he was pummelled by a 6'4" 'woman' with a Barry Mannilo voice and a five o'clock shaddow.
• sitting by the side of a lagoon trying my hand at batik painting and having the thai batik teacher break into song with "I come from the land down under" upon finding out that I do, indeed, come from the land Down Under.
• Riding in the back of a ute/pick-up when catching local busses.
• Having enough room in the king-sized hotel bed that I am not squashed by Phil every night when he rolls over.
• Loving the friendly, laid-back Thai culture.

There were more, but right now my brain is too frozen to remember them so I'll have to leave you with just these. Expect more when I readjust.