Walkabout

Man, this guy gets around!



Thanks to Mignon for the link.

On becoming Martha Stewart

For those of you who do not know, I am somewhat of a Martha. I am also vegetarian. These two forces combined recently and the product is Lou's Super Easy Vegetarian Shephard's Pie:


Lou's Super Easy Vegetarian Shephard's Pie

450g can* Caneloni Beans, drained
450g can Kidney Beans, drained
450g can Chick Peas, drained
600g can Pasta sauce (or Tomato soup, but pasta sauce is better)
2T plain flour (or you can use Gravox gravy powder for extra flavour- but check the ingredients to get the vegetarian one)
1t basil
salt and pepper to taste

Dump all this in a saucepan and stir over med heat until thickened a little (if it gets too glue-like add a little water/more pasta sauce/tomato sauce/ketchup- anything really to thin it).

Cook about 5 large potatoes, and mash thickly with butter and not too much milk.

Put tomato/bean mix into caserole dish and top with mashed potato.

Sprinkle a little grated cheese over the top.

Bake in mod hot oven for 30 minutes.

Enjoy!! Even Phil-The-Carnivore-Roy loves this one!

*note: can sizes are rough estimates- it truly doesn't matter if you have more or less.

Welcome To The World!

Welcome to the world Grace Miriam:


Congratulations to Helen and Christian for cooking up this perfect little bundle of scrumptiousness.

Rub-a-dub-dub

Behold the expression on the face of Carbi the Wonderdog after his first bath:



Carbi is my sister Liz, and her husband James' diabetes alert dog.

Doesn't his expression just say: "Dude, this is SO not cool."

Mixed metaphors of the lighting world

Photo Essay: "How to decorate a modern Chinese apartment using ten different lighting schemes"

(Alternately titled: "I really gotta buy some new light bulbs"):

Exhibit A: A fairly modern Chinese apartment:

Our apartment is rented fully furnished and aside from the paintings on the walls, cushions and sofa throws, it was decorated entirely by the landlord (who, by the way, is an interior designer). The decor scheme is modern-minimalist, yet completely falls apart when it comes to lighting- the Chinese LOVE fancy grandma-style lights.

Exhibit B: The living room

This beauty is above the coffee table:
This is in the entrance way:
This one is above the dining table:
In addition to these three there are 20 small spot lights built into the ceiling:
However they were literally BUILT into the ceiling and when the globes blow they cannot be removed. The landlord's best advice: "I don't know". These spot lights are supplimented by coloured flourecent tubes built into the three panels of the dropped ceiling to create a little more "mood lighting". I'm still not sure what "mood" they were aiming for.

Exhibit C: The bedroom


Above the bed:Beside the bed:

These "flowering beauties" are built into the wall either side of the bed, which means that the bed cannot be moved to another location in the room, and yet the switches to turn them on and off cannot be reached while one is lying in bed. Also note the lovely plastic covering the white upholstered bed head, which the landlord refises to let us remove in case the white fabric gets dirty.


Exhibit D: My studio

These lights are hardly condusive to producing art in a poorly lit room, so I usually supplement with two of Phil's photography soft box lights:
To save your eyes from the pain, I haven't include a photo of the broken Mickey Mouse Clock/Light combo built on to the wall... again built in so well that you can neither replace the blown bulbs or used clock batteries.

Exhibit E: The bathroom:

Note the pink and blue PLASTIC ceiling... mmmmm. There is another light in the exhaust fan over the bath- if you can even call it a fan: it barely lifts the slightest breeze.


Exhibit F: The kitchen

Souless flourecent lighting positioned to cast the shaddow of your body over any worksurface you chose- peeling potatoes in the sink is like a game of russian roulette between your fingertips and the peeler.

The kitchen window looks straight across an airshaft into our neighbours' kitchen, hence the 'curtain'.

All in all there are a total of 98 light bulbs in our 110 m square apartment. And we wonder why our electricity bill is so high.

Is it hip to be square?

Here is a painting I finished last week, one of two new ones with a "square" style. I don't normally use squares, so I find it quite interesting to analyse why I felt the need to purge these squares last week. Searching for order in a disordered world perhaps? Well, whatever the reason, I thought I'd share:



Acrylic on canvas 80x80cm (the colour is a bit off and there's too much glare, but you get the picture!)

useless crap

Ok so the fact that I think this is cool probably means I've been spending too much time on the internet:


It's a Word Cloud, randomly generated from the most commonly used words on my blog. As an artist working primarily in acrylics I LOVE the fact that the first two words are "Acrylic Addiction". Perfect!

Get your word cloud here

Gimme Mao Money

The highest denomination of Chinese Renminbi is the 100RMB note. This note is equal to approximately US$12.50/AU$16.50.

This means that a relatively small amount of money in US/AUS dollars translates into a sizeable wad of cash in Chinese RMB- a fact which can make you feel rich on pay day, but results in troubles when it comes to fitting the money safely in your wallet. This problem is exacerbated by the fact that most shops only accept cash payments, especially for expensive items.

Normally if I have a bit of money to carry around I will shove it in my bra. It's a habbit I developed while living in rural Nepal, as all the women in my village would carry their money like that.

Yet when Phil came home from the bank yesterday with enough money to buy his new camera I realised the old 'money in my bra' thing wouldn't work. He's a professional photographer and his cameras aint of the 'point-n-shoot' variety, so it was a sizeable amount of money. But really it looks like MUCH more when it's in RMB.

But that didn't stop me from trying to fit it in my bra-


I imagine Mao never thought his head would be resting in the white bosom of an Aussie chick.

Needless to say we put the cash in a money belt.

Book Worm

Ok, I've been tagged. Twice in fact, thanks to Carbie and Dan, but i'm only going to do this once. As it is I've already got more links here than a chainmail vest.

Book Worm

1. One Book That Changed Your Life:
"Violence and Compassion- Dialogues on life today" by the Dalai Lama and Jean-Claude Carriere -- it's Buddhism for modern life, and is actually quite relevant.

2. One Book You Have Read More Than Once:
Just one? Ok "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho. Oh, and "Oh the places you'll go" by Dr Seuss. Read it, you'll understand. It's not just for kids. Go on- read it, I'll wait right here....

3. One Book You'’d Want On A Desert Island:
A dictionary that points out that a Desert Island would in fact be in the desert, and is quite the oposite of a Deserted Island- and therefore remind me to flag down a passing camel and ride back to civilisation.

4. One Book That Made You Giddy:
An anthology of poetry by Dante Gabriel Rosetti... though what exactly is meant by giddy? Dizzy? Happy? Confused? His poetry makes me feel happy, in awe and inspired, so I guess that counts. Oh and anything by Aristophanes (The Peace, The Frogs, The Birds, Lysistrata.... all good). How is it that a Greek playwright born in 448BC can still make me snort coffee out my nose- that's comedy people.

5. One Book That You Wish Had Been Written:
"How to be a professional artist in Shanghai without actually doing anything- A slackers guide"

6. One Book That Wracked You With Sobs:
Good lord, I'll cry in any book... one book... hmmm... nope can't pick just one.

7. One Book You Wish Had Never Been Written:
Thucydides' History of the Peloponnesian War... I had to memorise that bastard for my HSC (senior High School) exams from cover to cover. It still gives me nightmares.

8. One Book You'’re Currently Reading:
Just finished "River Town" by Peter Hessler (very good), and starting "High wind in Jamaica" by Richard Hughes, also mid-way through "A fine Balance" by Rohinton Mistry, and "Band of Brothers" by Stephen E. Ambrose.... yeah I'm one of those people who reads several books at once, I can't help myself.

9. One Book You'’ve Been Meaning To Read:
Anna Karenina.

10. Now Tag Five Bloggers:
Phil, Comic Mummy, Mignon, London Misfit, Sharpie

cacophony continued

Writing about the noise in Asia reminded me of this email I sent from Nepal in 2003:

Saturday mornings.

Question: What is the socially acceptable number of times to ring someone's doorbell at 8am on a Saturday morning? One? Two? Three? Maybe. Thirty-six? Definitely not.

Saturday mornings are my "Louise" time. The times when I can sleep in, bum around, drink lots of coffee and read for hours in bed. They are the times when I make the most of my one day off. When I do not wear a Kurta Surwal.
When I do not have to speak Nepali, drink Chiya or eat Daal Bhaat. They are the times when, as far as I am concerned, I am not in Nepal.

Saturday mornings are not however the times when I want to be woken by someone ringing my doorbell THIRTY-SIX times. At 8am. Get the hint: I am not opening the door. I am not getting out of bed. I am not going to chat to you about
cricket. I am not going to chat to you about your brother studying in Australia. I am not going to chat to you about your plans to move to America next week/ next month/ next year. I am not going to chat to you.

As you can see I haven't had the best start to my one-day weekend. I only have one day off a week here, and that means that I have huge expectations for that one day. On Friday nights I can almost feel the coming Saturday
cringing from the sheer performance pressure. It really is a lot to ask of one little day.

We all need a little "me" time every now and then.

Urban Cacophony

Anyone who's ever been to any part of Asia will recognise this:

"They honked at other cars, and they honked at pedestrians. They honked whenever they passed somebody, or whenever they were being passed themselves. They honked when nobody was passing but somebody might be considering it, or when the road was empty and there was nobody to pass but the thought of passing or being passed had just passed through the driver's mind. Just like that, an unthinking reflex: the driver honked."

-'River Town- Two years on the Yangze', Peter Hessler.

When Chinese people ask me what I dislike about Shanghai, my answer is always the same- the constant cacophony of sounds at any one time of day or night. As I sit in my studio, typing this at 10.30am on a Saturday morning I can hear the beeps, backfires, and rumble of traffic; the ringing, clanging, grinding and hammering of the never-ending Shanghai construction (or re-construction); I can hear my neighbours shouting, playing the piano, radios blaring and telephones ringing; and in my own apartment there is the sound of the air-conditioner whirring constantly above my head, and the rascal rabbits digging and ripping the paper off their cardboard play tunnels. In spite of all this, we tell people how lucky we are to have found an apartment in a "quiet area".

I long for the relative solitude of my home in The Blue Mountains, to lie in my hammock on the balcony and listen to the birds... and the cicadas, and the crickets, and frogs, and lawnmowers, and cars being tuned, and chickens sqawking, and dogs barking, and barbeques sizzling....

Though Shanghai is undoubtedly noisier than the Blue Mountains, I guess silence is relative.


HOME:

Then-
Now-

Dreaming....

Ok, another painting, finished last weekend:


"Dreaming of Modigliani", Acrylic on canvas, 60x80cm

I consider this one to be a self-portrait- obviously not realistic, but how I felt inside at the time.

Perhaps I'm just going crazy and it's time to lop off an ear....

Again with the Google

Just quickly to the reader who found me by googling:

"U.S. House of Representatives International Relations Committee and teaching in china"

Sorry, you've REALLY come to the wrong place.

12 steps….

Oh Indian Cuisine, how I love thee... and yet you continue to wreak havock on my digestive system. Why must I be drawn back to you, time and time again, with scant regard to the inevitable consequences? WHY??? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHHHYYYYYYYYYY??????????

---------------------

7PM. A CHURCH HALL IN SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA.

"Hello everyone. My name is Louise, and it has been 60 days since my last Paneer Butter Masala.

[PAUSE FOR POLITE APPLAUSE]

"60 days! Wow!"

[NERVOUS LAUGH]

"I won’t say it hasn’t been tough. These have been some of the toughest days in my life. But thanks to my willpower, and the support of those around me, it’s now 60 days and counting.

I’ve started the 12 steps program. I have admitted that I have a problem. That was the biggie. Like all of us, I was in total denial for a long, long time. I just couldn’t see what was so obvious to everyone else. I couldn’t even see how destructive my addiction, yes addiction, was to a healthy balanced diet.

But I do have a problem. Since accepting my addiction I have been able to try and rebuild other relationships I had lost. I have apologised to all the previously loved meals I had so hurtfully abandoned on the pursuit to feed my addiction. It’s not easy, and I know…"

[CHOKED EMOTION]

"…I know that some meals will never taste the same again. For a long time, the salad sandwich was dead to me. And as long as I live…"

[CRYING]

"…I will never ever know the pain that my rejection caused to the salad sandwich!"

[BRUSHING AWAY TEARS WHILE REGAINING COMPOSURE]

"Sure, there have been times when I have been desperate. They say as an addict you have a love/hate relationship with your dealer. This is true. Often at meal times, when I am at my low point, I can still clearly picture the face of the delivery boy for the Indian Kitchen Restaurant.

Yes, I’ve been desperate. Taking me away from temptation put thousands of miles between myself and my dealer. But it put no distance between myself and my addiction. I’m not proud of this, but at my lowest point I even looked up a paneer recipe on the net and then went out and bought a 2 litre bottle of full-cream milk. I was so desperate to feed my addiction that I was actually going to put this bastardised backyard version of paneer into my system!

But I came-to in a sweat, lying on the kitchen floor in a pool of spilt milk. I had hit my all-time low, and suddenly I could see myself for the monster I’d become.

I faced my demons that day. Now I that I can face myself again, I know I am strong enough to embark on a journey to regain my lost respect for non-dairy based curds. Tofu here I come!"

[CHEERS, APPLAUSE, AND GROUP HUGS]

COMMUNITY MESSAGE: If you relate to any part of this story, and you think you might have a problem, please contact your nearest Paneer-aholics Anonymous Support Group

Shopping Games

This has been going around on email, and while I don't belive it is authentic, it is still bloody funny.

12 March 2005
Jon Walker
Store Manager
Kmart store 4855
Summit Ridge, Reno, NV, 89503

Mrs. Fenton
35 Rasmussen Street
Moores Park, Reno, NV, 89503

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

During the preceding 6 months our security staff has been monitoring your husbands activities while in our store. The list below details his offences, all of which have been verified by our surveillance cameras and we have retained copies on tape.

We have repeatedly given your husband verbal warnings while he is in this store and he has subsequently ignored them. He replied to these warning with rudeness and the response “while the wife shops here I will come here too”. We are therefore forced to ban you, your husband and your family from this store.

The following list details your husbands activates in this store over the past six months.

June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in house wares and watched what happened.

August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay-buy.

September 14: Moved a 'Caution - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite the in if they'll bring pillows.

September 23: If any staff offers him assistance he begins to cry and asks, “Why can't you people just leave me alone?”

October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it a mirror, and picked his nose.

November 10: While in the gun department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna Look" using different size funnels.

December 18: Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

December 23: Went in the fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

John F. Walker
Store Manager

Kmart store 4855
SUMMIT RIDGE, RENO, NV, 89503
Store Phone: (775) 746-4700
Pharmacy Phone: (775) 746-3030

When bunnies create international intrigue.

To the person who found my blog by google searching "when bunnies":

What happened? Did you hit the enter key too soon? where you going to write something else? When bunnies eat? When bunnies die? When bunnies hump their brothers forcing their owners to castrate them? When bunnies WHAT????

The suspence is killing me.

So, gentle readers, please finish the sentence for my random googler.... what can you come up with? I need a laugh today.

Bush, bloody Bush

Sunday bloody Sunday



Thanks to Mia for showing this link on her blog- it's George Bush "singing" U2's 'Sunday Bloody Sunday'... funny stuff.

Someone had A LOT of time on their hands....

Live and Learn

Note to self:

-Making raspberry Jelly/Jello on a hot day is a great idea.
-Letting it set in two red wine glasses for a 'touch of class' is a good idea.
-Putting said glasses in the door of the refrigerator to set is a bad idea.




When the jelly was half set, Phil yanked open the door of the fridge with the natural force of a 6'3" man, and the first glass toppled out, smashing on the floor at my feet.

As I came back with the mop and broom to clean it up, Phil repeated the process and the second glass joined its kamakazi brother.

I just closed my eyes in time as the second splatter of Jelly and glass shards sprayed up as high as my head. The shape of the wine glass meant that the jelly didn't just drop, it BOUNCED. There was red jelly ON TOP of the fridge, and it sprayed the length and breadth of the kitchen and out into the hall.

Next time I'll be making jelly in a coffee mug.

It's a dog's life.

Warning: the following article might upset some animal-lovers... I know it upset me. If you'd prefer instead to look at some cute puppies go here

Death squads in Yunnan round up 50,000 dogs

On Saturday, a woman was walking her dog- a small white animal she'd had for a long time- in a Yunnan Province alley.

Several men approached, talked her into handing them the leash and then beat the dog to death as the owner looked on in horror.

The killing was only a small part of a campaign by Mouding County government officials to slaughter 50,000 canines between July 25 and Sunday, local media reported.

The campaign was touched off by reports that at least three people had died recently in the county from rabies and many others had been bitten.

On Saturday, officials said that 90 percent of the dogs had been killed, and they expected their work to finish on Sunday.

Witnesses indicated the slaughter was often carried with the sort of dramatic elements found in a grade-B horror film.

Around midnight, shaddows would flash along the walls of homes as men carrying clubs made noises to set the village dogs barking. Homing in on the sounds, the men would find their quarries, and the barks would be replaced by shrill yelps as the animals were dispatched.

Only military dogs guarding an ammunition storehouse and police dogs were allowed to survive.

--The Shanghai Daily, 1 August 2006

These dogs being slaughtered are not strays, they are beloved, licenced pets, just like our own dogs.

Can you even imagine an official policy that legally sentences your family dog to be painfully clubbed to death?

Carbi the Wonder Dog

There has been a new addition to the family- Say hi to Carbi the Wonder Dog, the new 'baby' of my sister Liz and her husband James'.



Actually he's not a Wonder Dog , but a Hypo-alert Dog... or at least he will be when he's old enough to see over people's knee caps.

Hypo-alert dogs are trained to detect impending hypoglycaemic episodes in diabetics. Carbi will be trained to give warnings when James' blood glucose levels drop low (this causing a hypoglycaemic episode), and help him to maintain a balance for his highly unpredictable Type 1 (juvenile) diabetes.

This is from the Paws For Diabetics website:

“These dogs are the latest tool in Diabetes management, as they give their owners warning well in advance of an impending hypoglycaemic episode, allowing for prompt treatment to avert the episode from happening. A hypoglycaemic attack left untreated can lead to coma and even death, so these dogs are real life-savers.

We believe in general Diabetic Alert dogs will increase the independence, safety and mobility of the Diabetic person, providing them with a higher confidence to go out in the general public on their own without the need to rely on family or friends to accompany them, putting an end to the isolation often faced when one is afraid to go out for fear of having a Hypoglycaemic episode.”

To find out more about Carbi, Liz and James, visit their website.